Hey y'all.
As I was logging on to write this post I realized it's been almost a year since I posted a blog update. I am so sorry for leaving you guys in the dark for so long, but to be honest, there really hasn't been any positive movement until just recently.
Just to catch you guys up, I attempted to go to Madagascar to serve as a short term missionary with WorldVenture in March of 2020. It ended being a race against the clock to leave the country; a race I ended up loosing. We all fell into the pit of COVID, where we've been wallowing ever since. There have been a few small little false starts since then, little moments where the possibility of going was close enough to see, but never actually reach. And until about a month ago, any time anyone asked me what was happening, I would assure them that absolutely nothing had changed: the Malagasy government has had no intentions of allowing non-citizens into the country, much less back out after my term of service had been completed. So we all waited. I did my due diligence and kept up to date with my WorldVenture trainings and very slow preparations to renew my visa, while we all continued to pray.
For the last almost two years (crazy, right?!), I have felt nothing but a blank call to obedience. If you've chatted much with me or been reading any of my posts, you know the biggest battle to this whole adventure has been to blindly follow God's direction and let go of my own plans and expectations. And as much as I would like to tell you that I was always in prayer, thanking God for the opportunity to grow to be a more trusting and faithful servant, I really can't. These prayers were full of heartache as I would bemoan to God about watching all of my friends and peers get big kid jobs, get farther along in college, and start families. But every time I would question Madagascar, I was met with peace and encouragement to keep pushing on. God taught me so much about He really meets us right where we are.
About a month ago I felt a shift in my spirit. I prayed and sought council from family and mentors, and instead of being met with the same consolations and loving encouragement to continue in my path, I was being assured that letting Madagascar go wouldn't make me a failure. My mom has always backed me up, no matter what, but has also been consistent with reminding me that my success as a christian and an adult has nothing to do with how far away I travel to share Jesus. And for the first time, that message really resonated with me. After months and months of feeling committed and connected to a ministry I had never seen, I felt peace that this wasn't in the cards for right now.
After praying a lot more, I sent an email to the Shattenburgs and WorldVenture. I shared that I felt peace to let go of Madagascar, and while I don't think Africa is God's plan for me right now, I now know I should never assume what He's got cooking up for me.
My plan for right now is to work through the school year, possibly spend the summer at a christian camp in California where I'd be sharing Jesus with kids from all around the country, and apply to college to get my RN in the fall of 2022. But who knows what'll happen at this point!
As much as there is a part of me that is relieved to be done with the disappointment and political nightmare that Madagascar had turned into, my heart is sad to be letting go of it. God gave me such a passion for the Shattenburg family and the people of the island, and I look forward to being able to revisit the possibility of going after school.
I pray that all of you will understand why I made this decision, and support me regardless of my location. Thank you to everyone who has prayed, met and talked, donated, and encouraged me through this adventure. There are still some unknowns here: such as what's going to happen with all the financial support I received. I'm in contact with WorldVenture to see if I can hang on to it until after school, or if we can give it to the Shattenburgs to majorly bless their mission work, or if we can give it to another young missionary to sponsor their trip. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to me through Facebook, instagram, text, phone call, or grab me if you see me at church!